Pandamania!
Thursday - December 08, 2005
Our new panda cub, Tai
Shan.
Property of China.
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I can't take it
anymore! For weeks now, everyone has been talking here about
the damn baby panda at the National Zoo. It has garnered
nationwide attention. A baby panda has been the source of years
worth of anticipation here in the capitol, paralleled only by
the return of Major League Baseball to the city.
Pandas only come from China, and the
National Zoo first received a pair of them in the 70's. Their
names were Ling-Ling and Hsing-Hsing and the zoo paid China $1
million each year for the fluffy monochromatic mammals. To
maintain a firm grip on their panda cartel, any surviving
offspring becomes property of mother China. The chances of
reproduction seemed slim, given that the pandas seemed to value
their panda-careers more than settling down and raising a
family.
Ling-Ling and Hsing-Hsing
cuddle after a 30-60 second love-making
session.
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Ling-Ling and
Hsing-Hsing lived here for more than 20 years, without
producing a single cub. They were, well, disinterested to say
the least. In an attempt to give meaning to the pandas'
existence by adding a baby to their lives, the zoo went to
great lengths to mate the couple; even going so far as showing
them a pornographic video of bears mating. That didn't work;
although I don't know why; who wouldn't enjoy bear-porn? The
couple passed away in the 90's, dashing all hopes of giving the
National Zoo a baby cub.
Sometimes I wonder if pandas were made to
survive. Imagine if you only mated between March and May;
copulated for 30-60 seconds at a time (leaving the remaining
four and a half minutes for cuddling); only to give birth to
two cubs, of which one would be neglected and die while you
focused on raising the other for five years. Not exactly the
easiest way to repopulate the world with a
species.
One of these primates is
adored by thousands.
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The National Zoo
acquired replacement pandas in 2000; Mei Xiang and Tian Tian.
Relatively speaking, the two are a wild, vivacious couple;
producing a cub in July, just five years after their arrival.
For the past six months it has been pandamania here; nightly
updates on the local news, a contest to find a name for the
cub, an attempt to scalp private-exhibition tickets on eBay for
hundreds of dollars, and finally at a fever pitch; the first
public display to an anxious and adoring public.
After years of failed attempts, years of
"gay panda" mockery, years of media scrutiny, we finally have
our baby panda in the nation's capital. His name is Tai Shan,
and he belongs to China.
Posted at 12:16 AM < Just Another Brick in the Blog
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