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I respond to my SPAM
Monday - December 12, 2005
I have SPAM. Lots of it.
I've had the same email address for five years now and have
used it everywhere. In the beginning, there was no need to
protect myself by using other email accounts when signing up or
buying things on the internet; spam was a minor
annoyance.
Little did I
suspect just how bad the SPAM problem would become. I now get
between 50 and 100 spam messages a day. So, in what is destined
to become a recurring feature here, I've decided to deal with
my thousands of SPAM emails in a proactive way. I've decided to
write back.
Maybe I've been looking at it wrong all
these years. Maybe thousands of people are out there, crying
out to me for... well, for lots of things, actually. Maybe I've
been neglecting thousands of well-intentioned friends. Maybe
it istime to refinance my home. Maybe it
istime to help that exiled prince recover his money.
Maybe it istime to nail that hot, barely-legal, virgin ass.
Maybe it istime to forward that email to ten friends in
exchange for good fortune. Yes, I think it is.
Email #1534
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Imagine
Looking and Feeling 20
Years
Younger!
Katelyn Hanson
<Gordondjeqt@clickidaho.com>
Hi,
I'm writing to
let you know that I am
incredibly pleased with
what your product has done
for me.
I've lost 20
pounds, all of my grey hair
has returned to it's
natural
color,
my
blood pressure has dropped
from 190/110 to
120/68
but what I am
most happy about is that I
feel 20 years
younger.
Check out the
pictures I am sending
you.
Don't run out of
this stuff, I Love
it!
http://grater.lifeserious.com
Thanks,
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Katelyn,
I'm so happy that you've lost 20 pounds
and feel like you're 10 years old again. I know I won't
recognize you when I see you again; I'll be expecting to see my
good ol' 385-pound college lover with that nappy grey hair! I
will, however miss the high blood pressure of yours and feeding
you your medication. It made me feel needed by you. Alas, I had
to let go - your 385-pound mass kept me from holding on to your
heart - among other things ;) ! Now, here you are in these
photos, a svelte 365 pounds. By the way, the belly button ring
looks so hot on you! I'd love to use that picture as my desktop
picture (if you don't mind). I knew when we were together that
I couldn't ride on you or your coattails forever; you were made
for bigger things my dear.
Forever yours,
Jonathan
Email #2562
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Try
the Jackrabbit
here
Heriberto
Ramos
<ElijahPaigecome@gangel.com>
As
seen on HBO's "Sex and The
City"
This classic
vibrator is a womans best
friend...
The Jack Rabbit
Vibrator is a dual control
multi-speed
vibrating
and rotating 7
1/2" x 1 1/2"
Vibrator.
Made of a bright
pink, pliant jelly, the tip
is realistically
sculpted.
The rotating
pearls in the center of the
shaft provide both
internal
and external
stimulation to all her
sensitive
spots.
While the pearled
shaft rotates and vibrates,
massaging her inside,
the
Jack Rabbit's
ears are busy tickling her
outside. The shaft
and
stimulator are
controlled separately, so
she can customize her
experience every
time.
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Dear Heriberto,
Trust me, you don't need to tell me
about the Jack Rabbit! My ex-girlfriend Lynn swore by hers,
proudly revealing it to me on just our second date. Needless to
say, it gathered dust from that point forward;) While I have no
need for one, I'm sure my ex is back poundin' the rabbit and
may need to know where she might find replacements. I'll
forward this to her!
Forever yours,
Jonathan
Email #4344
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HAVE
A THICKER & LONGER D!CK
IN 1-2
MONTH
Carrie
Michelina
<ivjt75ugq@tfb.com>
already black
again bought next we. whom
wife we out
beautiful?
he
thats slow pretty? leader
am slow, similar prison off
side?
principle find
goes night, bought social
disappoint very bought
prison. explain motor young
how explain
yours,
young pride my
yours.
fly young
suddenly thats bought,
night similar
commit
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Carrie,
Your subject title caught my attention,
as all the Richards I've known have been thin and short -
obviously not qualified to satisfy. First there was Dick
Anderson on our high school freshman basketball team. He was
short and virtually worthless. Unfortunately, the public school
system required us to keep him on the team despite his 4' 8"
frame. Fortunately, our taunts drove him off to the school's
volleyball team. Then there was Dicky Rogers, my college
roommate. The guy was so thin he'd be inebriated after a single
wine cooler. There I'd be at a bar on a Friday night, trying to
hook up, and Dicky would be needing to go home and pass out at
like 9:30. Needless to say, I've needed a thicker and longer
Dick for some time now. Unfortunately, I question whether
you're the one who can fulfill my needs - your message was
confusing to say the least. No worries, I shall continue on,
seeking out Dicks of all sizes until I'm
satisfied.
Forever yours,
Jonathan
Email #1248
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Get
that de_gree
now!
Romeo Biez
<ficjrhx@hotmail.com>
Hey
Family!
Just wanted to
write you and let you know
how that de_gree program
I
tried out went...
Well 3 weeks later, I
graduated, & finished
my masters in less then 2
weeks with No Study or Work
Required and 1_0_0_%
Verifiable!
The
op,portunity
exists due to a
legal loophole allowing
some established colleges
to award
degre.es at their
dis.cretion.
I'm so excited
mom and dad this was a life
altering opp,ortunity &
for once in my life I took
advantage of
it.
I
already have jobs that
wouldn't of gave me a
chance before calling me
off the
hook now! This
really is a
Godsend.
Anyways, much
love and tell the rest of
the family I said hello
:)
love your
son,Melvin
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Dear Melvin,
Thank you for sharing this opportunity!
It has changed my life. I took your advice a month ago and am
now a practicing psychiatrist! I used to wonder if getting a
free degree through a "legal loophole" in three weeks without
studying was even possible. Then I realized I had nothing to
lose; I'm doing nothing now and I have NOTHING to show for it.
How about, instead of getting nothing, I get a college degree
by doing nothing for three weeks instead? I did! And now I have
a blurry black & white diploma displayed proudly on my wall
(the one BEHIND my patients of course!)
My career rocks! I just sit and listen
to people whine and bitch and tell me their problems. I usually
write prescriptions for drugs I've seen advertised on TV. I
came up with that idea on my own. It's true what they say, you
learn more in your first week in the real world then in all of
the three weeks in school! Man, if these patients ever knew I
wasn't a "real doctor", I'd be so screwed. Good thing I have my
verifiable degree to back me up! Thanks Melvin!
Forever yours,
Dr. Campbell (I can barely keep a
straight face while writing that!)
Email #1264
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blind
date, you gonna go
?!
shirley_roth_ci@weingeister.de
New da.ting
opportunity!
Like dati.ng?
Have a few
minutes?
This is the right
place and the perfect
time.
Singles
world-wi.de use the portal
for the same
reason.
Find the right
one now!
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Shirley,
I've never been on a blind date, but
would love to! I've never been out with anyone visually
impaired before. This will be quite a learning experience! I
can assure you that I'm not like other guys who might take
advantage of you. I'll dress nicely, even though I know that I
could get away with a t-shirt and ratty jeans. And I'll take us
someplace nice; not a Denny's or someplace tacky like that.
Have you ever been to Golden Corral? Let me know if this Friday
would be good, and I'll email you directions to my
place.
Forever yours,
Jonathan
Email #985
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Need
Med1cations?
Dudley Goff
<dgoff_lp@mail.ru>
Welcome
Do
you need any
meds?
Like
Valium
Xanax
Phentermine
Viagra
Cialis
Levitra
any many
others
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Dudley,
Your message is a godsend. It seems like
I've spent forever looking for drugs like Valium and Xanax that
relax me and drugs like Viagra and Cialis that can give me
lasting erections. Now that I'm a doctor with patients, I've
been looking for a way of procuring the drugs I've seen
advertised on TV. No local pharmacies will accept my scripts
(that's what us doctors use for preSCRIPTion. Understand?)
Thank goodness I have you in my life, looking after my needs
and my patients' needs!
Forever yours,
Jonathan
Email #6458
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Choosing
a dog? Let us explain how
you go about
it.
Regina Pina
<electric660@gmail.com>
Your dog can be
your best frien or can be
your worst enemy making
your life miserable. It's
up to you what you
choose.
The dog training
book is discloses
revolutionary methods of
trainin virtually any breed
be that Rottweilers, Pit
Bulls, Akitas, Chows,
Terriers, Greyhounds,
Huskies
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Regina,
I can't believe the timing of your
message! I'm going to be going out with someone who might be
interested in a dog. She is blind and might be in the market
for a seeing eye dog. Please let me know if you have that kind
and when I might be able to pick it up. I'd love to surprise
her with a new puppy when I see her!
Forever yours,
Jonathan
Well, seven down, 6835 left to go...
plus the 35 messages that arrive while I wrote responses to
these...
Posted at 01:23 AM < Just Another Brick in the Blog
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